You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
