PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize