So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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