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I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
