BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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