i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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