Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
