Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
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