Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
