So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize