Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
