i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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