Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
