I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
