ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
