Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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