he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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