sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
