Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
