your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
