Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
