So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im holly from the hills drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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