So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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