just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
