I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
