you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
