After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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