Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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