Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
