I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
