direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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