In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
