the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
