I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
