I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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