3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
