We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
