I smell stomach acid.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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