we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize