those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
