We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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