I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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