It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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