I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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