So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
