so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
