Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
