we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
