Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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