I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
