I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
