Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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