my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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