I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
