Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
