My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
