Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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