sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
