worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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