she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
