who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this boner is exhausting
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
