I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
