he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
