have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
