He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ttyl tear gas
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
