So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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