Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
