dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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