Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
