i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
