some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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