And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
