Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
