I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
