nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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