just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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