Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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