Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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